Thursday, June 28, 2007

The iPhone is more anticipated by earthly heathens than Jesus' second coming!

Incase you hadn't already heard, the iPhone will be hitting Apple and AT&T stores Friday, June 29th at 6pm. (tomorrow!!) All the jaw-jacking about the iPhone is sweeping the internet like a storm and driving me crazy. There are live blogs being set up, a countdown to the iPhone, positive and negative reviews, ads are even being placed on Craigslist to sell a spot in line to purchase the iPhone.

I even have my very best friend crapping his pants and sending me minute-by-minute updates regarding this gosh darned phone! C'mon people, we aren't talking about Jesus coming back! It's a phone. You use it to call your mother and tell her you love her, not to microwave a bag of popcorn.

Despite all the hype, I think I'm sticking with my Crackberry. After all, I like to feel the keypad beneath my thumbs as I sms while dodging through LA traffic narrowly avoiding an accident on a daily basis. It adds adventure to my otherwise mundane commute.
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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

"Brow Down" by Psycho Mike at KROQ. Listen here

Resident Kevin & Bean KROQ morning show roid pumping producer, sound guy, gay-moaner, comedian, song writing extraordinaire, Psycho Mike has put together this amazing tribute to Armenians. I love these guys so much!!
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Cameron Diaz is an ass clown...and a Communist.

Cameron Diaz was recently photographed in Peru carrying around a green bag with a giant red communist star emblazoned on the side and the phrase "Serve The People" written in Chinese, which happens to be a slogan used by Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong. Peru has suffered decades of violence due to communist insurgents. The Maoist Shining Path insurgency in the 1980's and early 1990's conducted a campaign of massacres, assassinations and bombings leaving almost 70,000 dead. You could say the Peruvian people weren't all too pleased with Cameron's choice of handbag.

Cameron was also overheard saying that Google should censor their search results in China, that the Holocaust never happened, and that 9/11 was a giant US Government set-up. Maybe she should move to NY and bunk with Rosie!

To me it sounds like one more "activist" celebrity being an ignorant uneducated fool. I guess that's just what happens when you drop out of school to become a model. Buy a Toyota Prius, pretend to be politically correct and save the planet. It's the recipe for success! All you Hollywood hopefuls have your work cut out for you.
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Friday, June 22, 2007

Morgan Freeman is God...again

Morgan Freeman is reprising his role as God in the upcoming film Evan Almighty this week. I love Morgan Freeman. He's a highly talented actor. Humble too. It's a little known fact that he went uncredited for the role of the Oracle in the Matrix sequel....check it out. It's a performance not to be missed.
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Thursday, June 21, 2007

"Hey There Vagina" premieres on iheartkiiki. KROQ Kevin & Bean are geniuses...

A hilarious spoof of Plain White T's "Hey There, Delilah" debuted this week on Los Angeles radio station KROQ. It was like a breath of fresh air to hear something besides Sublime and Red Hot Chili Peppers for once. The song, titled "Hey There, Vagina", written by Kevin & Bean producer Psycho Mike, quickly became the most requested song. Yet it was pulled from the airwaves by kay-are-oh-cue's stick-up-the-ass lawyers. The link was subsequently removed from their website as well. Clearly, KROQ does not want to promote songs in reference to a vagina, but will of course oblige for songs such as "I wanna *#!@ you like an animal".

Click here to listen to the song in all it's glory:
"Hey There, Vagina" by KROQ

Listen to the original song to compare:
"Hey There, Delilah" by Plain White T
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Price is Wrong, Bitch!

After 35 years as the host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker is finally free to wear clothes from this century. Apparently, Rosie O'Donnell may be tapped on the shoulder to replace him in the mustard, purple and orange soundstage.

Reportedly, all replacements that are in the running have penises. But Bob Barker's favorite is Rosie. "She knows the show," he said. "Now, whether they want a lady host. I don't know...As far as I know, they've only auditioned men."

Good to know! Rosie IS a man. Didn't you hear?!?!
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Drilling away at my sanity

I've got nothing on my mind today besides these dumbass construction workers directly outside my office window. Three weeks, three weeks, of non-stop drilling so far. I'm wondering how long I'll last...
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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Stephen Hawking was crossing a highway in his wheelchair when he became stuck in a semi-trailer's grille and was pushed for miles before the unknowing driver was pulled over, police said on Thursday.

His wheelchair became hooked onto the front grille of the truck, which reached 50 mph during the 4-mile trip down the highway. Witnesses reported that the light turned green, so the truck took off, never seeing the wheelchair in front of him.

Hawking's deteriorating health limits his movement, and he uses a hi-tech gadget to communicate by blinking. Reports are coming in that witnesses saw Hawking blinking like crazy as the truck took off from the intersection.

Hawking thankfully escaped unharmed, blinking, "It was quite a ride," police said.

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Friday, June 8, 2007

Watch out, Roy Horn! Tiger coming at your throat...

dude this tiger swims under water. can you imagine swimming in the nice warm clear water and seeing this thing coming at you? I would have a freaking heart attack man. I would shit myself instantaneously.
-as quoted by my good pal jason :)

More pictures of this awesome tiger here and here. Watch out Siegfried and Roy!
Don't get your jugular bit!
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Paris Hilton sports her new "Chola" prison tattoo

Paris Hilton has been dragged kicking and screaming back to jail today. She has been ordered to serve the remainder of her 45 day sentence behind bars.

Throughout the hearing this morning, Paris had her hands clasped in prayer. She also turned around to her parents seated behind her and mouthed "I love you". We all know what she was really saying... (hint: it starts with "olive" and ends in "juice")

Now we need to start placing bets on whether Paris and her "fragile mental state" tries to find a way to commit suicide without her 5 security guards stopping her first. 10 to 1 says she tries do herself in by shooting herself in the head with a rubberband. 100% Guaranteed A-1 Lock this chick is an idiot.

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Isaiah Washington is MAD AS HELL; booted from Grey's Anatomy cast

As you may know, Isaiah Washington was canned from the ABC show Grey's Anatomy this week. Earlier in the season, he called one of his cast-mates a "faggot". It seems this country has become more about speaking with political correctness and going to rehab and GLAAD meetings if you don't. I mean, isn't this America? We aren't free to say whatever we want, I mean c'mon. Get smart!

I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell:

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!"

Isaiah Washington is a human being people. He's a HUMAN BEING, damn it! His life has VALUE!
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Thursday, June 7, 2007

PARIS: crazy ass suicidal bitch!!

Paris Hilton was sensationally released from jail after serving only 3 days of her 23 day sentence over fears that she was suicidal. Law enforcement officials state that her condition was psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown. After a psychiatrist visited Paris in her cell twice in the past two days, word was passed to the Sheriff's Department that her mental state was at risk, and she has since been released.

I can see it now. Four days ago, Paris sat down with her lawyer and mom before going to the mtv movie awards and they carefully instructed her:

"Okay now Paris. Around day three, start acting really nuts. We know you aren't so good at acting. But just try, okay? We'll get you outta there."

Paris will serve the remainder of her sentence: House arrest for 40 days at her four-bedroom, three-bathroom, Spanish-style home above the Sunset Strip. Life's gotta be tough for an heiress. Money seems to buy your way out of anything...
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iPhone to release June 29th...details changing by the minute!

(info credit Jon Passantino at The Front)
(image credit Kiiki)
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Rumor Confirmed! Clooney is GAY...and Pitt and Damon too?

June 5, 2007
George Clooney has finally shown us the answer to that long time rumor that he does, indeed, prefer the fag end of a guy rather than this.

Clooney was joined by his fellow co-stars Pitt & Damon at the famous Hollywood Walk of Fame on Tuesday to be immortalized in cement in the trashiest area of Los Angeles. They waved at the cheering, photo-snapping crowd as they arrived. They then knelt down and proceeded to tag team each other in the ass, thus providing an answer to the ever pondering question: "is George Clooney gay?"

Clooney said "I must say if I had to be on my hands and knees with any other guys, I can't think of better guys to do it with."

Enough said, George!

Looks like they were getting busy using their hands too!
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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

3 Steps to being a Clever Little Terrorist

American Flag: $25
Gasoline: $2
Cigarette Lighter: $2.50

Catching yourself on fire because you are a terrorist asshole: PRICELESS
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Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Steve Nash gives us the Full Monty

Does anyone else notice the striking resemblance between Steve Nash (of the Phoenix Suns) and Robert Carlyle (of The Full Monty, 28 Weeks Later...) ?? I do.

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Friday, June 1, 2007

Two more things Google Street doesn't want you to see....

You heard it here first. Indeed, Tupac is alive and utilizing the benefits of public transportation. We've discovered two more groundbreaking photos using the amazing new technology from Google Street.

Google technology has discovered Noah's Arc:

After years of speculation, arguments and theological searching, we can now confirm the long told ancient Biblical story of Noah's Arc and the Great Flood. Using the powers of the Internets, Google Street has captured a glimpse of the Arc's landing place atop a building right off Interstate 280 in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Google finds the cure for cancer... many prayers are answered:

Scientists believe that the new Google street technology from Google maps has lead them to spot the cure for cancer. When asked about the possible cure for cancer, the President of Science replied, "We're hopeful that the cure will also help to lower carbon gas emissions and stop global warming." Representatives from Google have no comments at this time.
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EXCLUSIVE! google street snaps a pic of tupac!

the new google maps feature "google streets" is bringing forth many discussions regarding the invasion of privacy and personal property. this brings up the possibility that google streets is capable of outing someone in the government's witness protection program, or even possibly revealing that a very well known supposedly dead rap star takes public transportation to keep out of the limelight... hmmmm
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