Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Ben Affleck on "Real time with Bill Maher" compares Mitt Romney to a Ken Doll....
Don't you love it when celebrities try to weigh in on politics? Just shut-up Ben Affleck. Who are you to be calling someone else a ken doll...you're practically an effing ken doll yourself!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
everyone knows that summer replacement shows have no chance for survival. they're just the networks pansy ass attempt to cling to their viewers until the new and returning fall shows air.
summer tv is like bad cosmetic surgery... you try to dress it up with some makeup, possibly a new wig, some cute clothes, maybe a brown paper bag... to make it tolerable and watchable. because you can't go a whole summer without watching something on tv.
and if there truly is nothing to watch this summer, rent the past 11 seasons of 7th heaven as a tribute to the show FINALLY being canceled. that crap has been on for years and years, and everyone talks about how much they hate it, but they still watch it because its peculiarly captivating and yet sucky. go ahead... you can admit you watched it secretly. it's okay, we all have our guilty little tv pleasures. i used to watch one tree hill... shhhhhhh
nbc sucks balls seven days a week and twice on sunday. i don't watch anything on nbc. i know, i know. all you people who watch the office are gonna object. either way, the abc summer schedule has some guaranteed A-1 lock shyteous shows planned. you've got law & order. then a little law & order svu. and if you haven't watched enough shows about the law, and the order, you can tune in for law & order criminal intent. go nbc!
abc has climbed my ladder of television successes recently. although they have a notch against them for airing national bingo night. unless they can recreate the smell of old people and cigarettes in your own living room, this show is pointless. but let's get to the point... taye diggs. at least we can thank judas that abc pulled his show daybreak off the air last year and made it an internet only show. (yeah, that show where he wakes up everyday to find out he's re-living the same thug, car chase, murder filled day until he gets his day right and punxsutawney phil comes out of his hole for spring....wait a minute...) but that taye diggs sure is just searching, begging, pleading, & "digging" for a hit show. they've signed him onto the greys spinoff (hold on a moment while i vomit) private practice, which i think i can safely say we're all dreading and cursing shondaland for.
i keep a little notepad that i velcro to my remote control, and i'm pretty sure i penciled in a big CRAP next to the fox lineup this past season. fox has steadily gone downhill in my book the past few years. there was a period where it seemed like fox had all the great shows. now they only have 24. (which i think is fading fast. i haven't watched in weeks, and i'm unmotivated to catch up. since i know jack bauer is just gonna be sanding in the corner of some dark industrial hallway, back against wall, gun cocked, whispering gruffly into his CTU super secret neck microphone "i'm going in alone. keep the perimeter secure".... even though we know that no matter how tight the perimeter is, the terrorist will sneak through and get away while the cameras aren't looking). fox is known also for their schedule to be cock-jammed full of reality shows. idol started out like a yummy sandwich. crafted with love and thoughtfulness. fresh bread, sliced tomatoes, onion, cheese, lettuce, mayo...it once had appeal. but then it sat on the kitchen counter for a week and now it's stale and old and stinky. the fact people still watch that show astounds me.
all in all it just seems like fox is sitting in their offices on bended knee pleading and praying to prevent viewer abandonment of the network. who knows how they'll sell their souls next season to gain the spotlight once again. stay tuned!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I wonder which one of these guys got touched by their uncle when they were little.....
A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years. Carlos and Fernando had been desperate to start a family. But their egg-sitting prowess made them the top choice for taking an unhatched egg under their wings when one of the Greater Flamingo nests was abandoned. The couple, together for six years, can feed chicks by producing milk in their throats. Fernando and Carlos are a same sex couple who have been known to steal other flamingos' eggs by chasing them off their nest because they wanted to rear them themselves.
Gay flamingos are not uncommon.
n. 1) An aesthetically unfortunate physiological condition which leaves its victims with no discernible narrowing of the ankle between the calf and the foot. 2) An ankle which has no discernible narrowing from the calf to the foot. History: The word is derived a combination of the words calf and ankle. Victims of this condition are advised to avoid the following: ankle boots, ankle-strap shoes, anklets, ankle socks, ankle tattoos, high-top shoes, and any other footwear or leg wear that might draw attention to the cankle region.
"Kelly has a classic case of cankles -- her calves are the same width from knee to foot."
Monday, May 21, 2007
Two young girls, probably in their early twenties, are standing in the check-out line when one of them turns to the other and says in a tone she might use to talk about her nail polish, “I haven’t heard from Christine today. I guess she overdosed.”
Do you think one of the reasons Christine might have overdosed is that the friends in her life, when struck with the possibility that she might be dead, do not check to make sure she is fine and instead hit the grocery store to buy some Gatorade?(thanks to dooce for the funny tale)
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lame lame lame laaaaaammmme-o